Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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