Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
