You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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