I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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