You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
