Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
