im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
