Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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