the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
