Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
