ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
