You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
