i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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