I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize