Hey man sorry I got all grabby
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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