I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
