I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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