He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
