One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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