No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
