Can Purell be used as lube?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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