don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
