I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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