Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
