A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
