A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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