i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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