so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
