and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
