So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
