Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
