I think my vagina is haunted
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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