your room smells of hookers.
And success
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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