I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
