My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
