I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
