blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
