Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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