Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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