I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
