Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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