He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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