I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
