I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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