also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You are a genius and a whore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
