I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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