He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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