Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
