no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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