Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
