Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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