Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could teleport
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
