I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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