I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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