my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
