I need help removing her.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize