If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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