i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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