My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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