Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
third nipple confirmed
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
