Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
