i was born a porn star she said
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
