I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize