It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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