im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
