I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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