I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
