At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
