i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
