Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
