just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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