it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
