Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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