How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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