this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
