i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
