Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
