Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
