Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
