the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
