she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
