this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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