and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
