Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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