apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
