Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
