Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
