the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize