i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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